An account of the adventures on the Norfolk broads of five Rotaractors from Deben; Alan, Claire, Ian, Mark and Michelle. Not necessarily an accurate account, mind you, but an account all the same. For anyone there who doesn't agree with, like or remember the events described in this account, please find an reputable journalist to discuss the matter with, 'cos that ain't me. Day 1 - "Bon Voyage" The adventure begins in Ipswich. Like many great adventures, this one started with Claire and a shopping trip. [Had to cut about three pages of the shopping trip - editor] The plan was simple. Ian and Claire would go shopping for a few snacks, then drive up to Norfolk, where they would meet Mark, Alan and Michelle for lunch. However, half way to the boatyard, Michelle insists on stopping. For lunch. Alan and Mark look on in confusion as she scoffs down the results of a visit to a fish and chip shop. Upon reaching the boatyard, the trio waste no time in locating the nearest pub. Eventually (ie. late) Claire and Ian turn up, with the shopping and a bill in three figures. Everyone suddenly understands why they came in Ians estate car. Ian sorts out the boat paperwork, and signs away the groups right to life jackets. Mark, Michelle and Claire go back for them (respectively for reasons of caution, fashion and fear of being pushed in).

Having been given instructions in the running and maintenance of the boat (with a comment from Michelle of 'Did anybody get all that?'), Michelle starts, and launches the boat - hitting another in the process. As the initial drive proceeds, taking advantage of the full width of the river, Alan says how he's looking forward to seeing lots of birds, tits and dykes. Michelle wonders what the new 'holiday rules' are. During this part of the journey, Claire regales her fellows about tales of the shopping trip, especially the exciting Tango wine she's discovered. She, the shortest member of the team, also entertains the others by regularly banging her head on one particular doorway.

Alan mentions a great spot he's been to before - the crew head the boat straight for it. Their destination turns out to be a lovely place, albeit it, not the one he had in mind. After a quick consultation with the map, Alan points further down the river, and our heroes continue their voyage. It's not there either, but it's getting late so the nautical ninnies stop for the night. This involves Mark mooring up. Day2 Mark is still trying to moor the boat. OK, so it's really still the first day when he finishes, but it didn't feel that way at the time. After mooring (and the women in the boat next door allowing her kid to come back on deck), the gang sniff the air, and set forth for the nearest pub. At the pub, Ian asks advise about a fancy dress ball he's going to - all costumes must start with a H. It is soon observed that when the name 'Hannibal' is mentioned, the girls all think of a psycho in a mask, and the guys all think of a cigar smoking man saying 'I love it when a plan comes together'. Odd that. Before leaving, Alan chats to the barmaid about her jugs. Michelle starts firming up her idea of the new rules. Back at the boat, everyone decides it's time for bed, then someone looks at a watch and realises it's only 8.30. Sheepishly, everyone stays up 'late'. Claire brings out the Tango wine she's been talking about. It turns out this is not a new flavour of the popular softdrink, but a misreading of the label. Day 2 (Really this time) - "We SHALL find it" With a renewed sense of enthusiasm, the barmy boaters strike out once more for Alans great spot. Not finding it, they stop for breakfast. Breakfast on the Norfolk broads, it seems, includes ritually burning the toast, swapping various bits of fried egg around between the 'yoke-only's and the 'whiteies' and following this all by feeding (ie. chucking) burnt toast to (at) the ducks. With a slightly less renewed sense of enthusiasm, the crew set off once more for the only possible place left where Alans great spot must be. He works it out with such certainty, that it wouldn't dare not be there. It is there. Claire moors. (The initial suggestion of this was followed by four harmonic groans, but how much worse than Mark could she be...?)

With nothing further to be said of the mooring, the gang begin to explore the area. Being the budding naturists they are, the group locate a nature walk. This involves a pleasant stroll thought pictures woodland, only spoilt by the occasional 'DANGER' sign 'WARNING' of the deadly blue-green algae that's lurking on the stream-water. Michelle finds a stick and spends 10 minutes poking and playing with the algae. It is presumed she felt sorry for it being ostracised. After visiting a National Trust style hut with useful and interesting information about the broads, detailing their history, wildlife, blah, blah, blah, our team of approximating Atinbroughers head for the nearest pub. While sitting down and enjoying some drinks, a serious presentation of thanks is made to Ian, for organising such a fine adventure. All agree his new Captains hat suits him well.

Deciding that this spot, while great for it's nature and hat shops, would be an awfully boring place to spend the night, the broading buddies set off once more. Seconds after leaving their mooring, another boat pinches the spot. This information would only be of interest here, if at some later point our departing Debenites wished to return.

Within a minute of casting off from the boring place, the calamatas crew pass a boat carnival heading into port. Admiring the fun-having people in costumes on their pirate ships, bat-boats, wedding vessels and Jamaican jaunts, our friends drive by with a sense of entertainment, tinged with regret. Not to be put off, they find another village, and Michelle parks up, hitting a boat in the process. (Score so far - Michelle 2, Claire 1).

After taking time to enjoy the more civilized aspects of life on the water (ie. bacadi breezers, and spider-man top trumps), the budding boaters locate the nearest pub (a skill they're unnervingly good at). Here they partake in fine ales, sophisticated pims... and top trumps. Deciding they need to move the card games upmarket, some time is spent remembering how to play shithead. Day 3 - "DUCK!" Another fine morning. One by one, steadily awaking, until all are ready, the holidaying happy people firmly resolve to find Alans great spot. They pause, and realise that was just force of habit. After breakfast, including duck target practice, the courageous crew set sail (without the sail) upstream towards pastures new. This involves going under a bridge with only inches to spare all round. For some reason, Claire was driving for this. However, all doubts aside, and perhaps it was the power imbued by wearing the captains hat, the bridge was navigated without incident. (not counting the bumps, scrapes, crushed ducks etc). During the several hours of pleasant river wandering, Mark and Michelle relaxed with their books, Alan lounged on the top of the boat, Claire occupied herself by banging her head on the doorway some more, and Ian, realising that noone else was driving, donned his hat once more, and took the wheel. The busy waterway caused Ian to keep to the side more and more and more (without mooring), and after a few moments consultation with Mark, followed by a further short debate on the matter, followed by a toss of the coin, the two bunk-mates firmly decided they would call 'Alan - duck!'. This gave the high-rise sunbather all the seconds he needed to do so, and thus avoiding the low branch sweeping towards him. Following a few more 'duck's (with Claire learning that they weren't in fact pointing out aquatic toast-targets), it was questioned as to whether or not the pilot was actually aiming for trees. Sheepishly he steered more towards the now quite empty waterway. After parking up by a boring village, so dull it deserves no further mention, the return trip begins. Now seems a good time to observe something about riverfolk. There are two kinds of people who go out in boats on the Norfolk Broads. Those who have captains hats, and those who don't. This reporter is saying nothing about either group, only that they are very noticeably different. (What with their hats or lack there of). The gang park up for the night near Benets Abby. This was a ruined monastery, dating back to the times when they spelt Marks name wrong. The evening was spent in a vain attempt to try and finish all the food purchased on The Shopping Trip. As is was, the gallant gluttons felt pleased that they had at least, after many hours, been able to try at least one of everything bought. A new variation of their favourite cardgame was created; Captain Shithead. For those who wish to try it at home, all you'll need in addition to your normal pack of cards, is a captains hat. Variation instruction #1 - Place hat on losers head. After a new record of successive losses, it is wondered whether a commodore or admirals hat would have suited Ian better.

Day 4 - "Return to civilisation (well, still Norfolk)" Not much can be said about the final day. Starting time was, for some, 7.30am, for others, 8.30am. Final disembarking time - 9.30am. After a final cranial connection with Claires Doorway, it remains only to note that, with a feel of symmetry, Michelle returned the group to their home port. But, unlike her initial departure, the moor up was perfect. Almost. After getting out and checking, Ian hops back in and pilots the gang up the river a bit further to where they were supposed to leave the boat.

Quotes (aka 'The Honest bit') "In my principle of Theoryland" - Claire "The $6m penis" - Alan "I can hear everything they do. It's really gross" - Claire "I think I'd rather be attacked by Claire and Michelle" - Ian "He's trying to pinch my warm bits" - Claire "I like drinking - it makes me burp." - Michelle "We're betting on whether or not I can get him to sleep with me" - Claire "Tell me - am I the most fun person you've ever slept with?" - Mark - "You're up there somewhere" - Ian "Apparently I'm cruel for not caring if they're dead or alive" - Claire "There's this dodgy stain on the sheet from where the drip was" - Mark "Wouldn't it be hard to smoke your wee?" - Claire "Come on, I'm going to bed" - Michelle to everyone "I would ditch Chris in a second for Colin Firth" - Claire "You're on the girls sofa, dude" - Mark to Alan "There was a gap in my logical thinking" - Claire "I guess his bollock bra was on too tight" - Ian "I think you're the only person here I've not slept with, Claire" - Mark "Make noise, the reigning shithead did" - Mark "What does the water pump do?" - Claire

See the Norfolk Boat Trip pictures. For shorter descriptions about some of our past events, click here For full writeups of some of our other trips, enjoy; The RGBI Conference 2007 - A weekend in Watford, with Christmas Down Under and Miss Rotaract UK. Back To Front 2006 - Not an event to get cross when dressing up. Holiday in Amsterdam - Forign travel, to a city of culture. And a cool Red Light district. Banbury Camping 2006 - Christmas comes early! The Mountain Challenge weekend - The main event. 24 hours of up and down the hills. The Mountain Challenge training week in the Lake District. Getting fit for the Mountain Challenge. The RGBI Conference 2006 in the Lake District. Treasure hunt pubcrawls, presentations by Deben and the Aliens of Rendlesham Forest. The Superhero Charity Pubcrawl raised money for our Mountain Challenge Sightsavers project. The Back to Front party took Deben to Bournemouth. With lots of other Rotaractors we did stuff backwards. Banbury Camping 2005 brought 200 Rotaractors and friends together for a weekend of fun and campness. The RGBI Conference 2005 was in Bristol, and Rotaractors from all over the UK met up for the annual conference. A serious weekend, with spacehopper races. Messing Around in Boats - Debens trip on the Norfolk Broads. We'd love to hear from you if you are interested in coming to an event, or if you are a local charity or community project and would like our assistance. We'd also like to hear from you if you have any feedback on the web site. Deben Rotaract contacts: Email: enquiries@debenrotaract.org.uk Call Dan on 07740165109 or Tash on 01473721153

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