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"That was... Enlightening"RGBI Conference 2006
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Staring: Alan, Claire, John, Mark and Michelle, of Deben Rotaract, and others. See the full cast list.
The Rotaract Great Britain and Ireland Annual Conference is thought by some to be a very serious business. They never have been. Prepare yourself for a tale, mostly true, involving limbo dancing, silver face paint, passing women through hoops and the old cream-pie in the face game.
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The question "Who would like to set off first?" was answered by enthusiastic yelps from the Deben team, and as they headed into town they decided that their beer mats would be fairly unique if the got the bar staff to autograph them. "Just put down the name of the pub or your name, phone number, whatever...". Soon, inspired by one of the other clubs who had acquired a bar towel ('beer mat'), Claire asked one barman if there's anything unusual he wouldn't mind parting with. After a long look at her, he bit his lip and disappeared into the back room bringing back a large straw hat (part of an old Fosters promotion) and happily signed it. Further pubs were to provide an autographed ashtray and a cribbage board ("put this in your pocket and don't look at it till you get outside..."). In one pub the team stumbled (they'd had a few by then) across Phil Poole. The Yorkshire Rotarian and Mark had crossed paths on a number of occasions over the last year, having first bumped into each other at the 2005 conference, where the Deben president had unwhitingly fractured Phils shoulder in a space hopper race. Phil had clearly forgiven him though, and offered a sign of friendship. This will be touched upon again in a moment. In the last pub, the gang met up with Stuart Yeo, of Bournemouth Rotaract. This is unfortunate for Stuart, as by then someone had informed Claire that losing your conference pass can result in a fine. Stuart promptly had his pass lost. Friday night drew to a close, but the hotel bar didn't. Michelle and Claire were quite upset, but blurrely pleased to discover they had drunk all the Amaretto and Baileys available, and so at around 5am they slurred off to bed.
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Conference, as we all know, is a very serious affair (no harm in trying to maintain the myth), and in order to keep everything proper and correct, a pair of evil gits known as the Sergeant at Arms had been commissioned to fine any misdemeanours. The first of their interuptions to the ordered running of the weekend was a review of the pubcrawl. "I said 'BEERMATS!'", exclaimed the Sergeant (for convenience the two shall be referred to as one - they were practicaly joined at the hip anyway), "Now, how is THIS supposed to be used as a beermat?". He holds up a straw hat. Claire, sheepishly, retrieves it, dropping her quid in the bucket. Other 'beermats' included a saltshaker, a table candle holder, and a barmans shirt. This last was from the team that won the treasure hunt - Rotarians Dipso, Terry and Keith.
Phil was fined... for kissing - ON THE LIPS - Mark in one of the bars last night. "And he was rubbish!", adds the abused Rotaractor. Finally, Debenite Alan was fined for not having actually paid for the weekend yet. Alas he has no money with him, so his good, generous, friend Mark lent him his wallet. Which was promptly upturned over the fines bucket. There was an option to take a forfeit instead, but this was only chosen once, by Emma Donovan. Having to declaire "who she loves here most", Emma reveals she's attracted to power and chooses Lisa. This possibly tells us something about Emma. Potential RGBI chairman material perhaps? | ||
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The final, in which the Mike & Sarah and Alison & Mark teams would play off, was to take the form of one of those 'adults sit facing a table with scones cream and jam, they have their hands on laps while the children sit behind them, with hands through parents arms, and wearing blindfolds.' games. The object, of course, being for the kids to prepare the scones. Mark sitting up close and personal to his new best friend, decides not to do the pie in the face gag...
Sarah Bacon, doing her best for Rotary/Rotaract relationships without requiring an adult entertainment licence, keeps her distance from Mike... and is thus unable to reach her arms all the way to the food. After much fumbling with cream and jam (by one side - Sarah is still unable to reach hers) time was called, and the Mike & Sarah team declared the winners.
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| After lunch, the conference popped out for a bit of orienteering. Although the map and compass led wandering around a forest turned out to be just the first round of a series of challenges. The second was a trio of team puzzles. Unquestionably the highlight of these was the hoop game. John manhandles Caroline Arch through a hoop, while Alan and Mark lift Dipso through one. Once all the teams had completed their tasks, the final playoff took the form of each team walking on two planks ("ok everyone - left foot forward!") to pop their coloured balloons. Alas, none of the three Deben membered teams won. | ||
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As the disco musics into the night John tried to dance Claire off her feet (grip hands and spin round). Michelle and Mark try rave dancing. Unfortunately, it's the end of the evening and the DJ is playing smooch music, but they try not to let it bother them.
Although the disco was finishing, the night was far from over. That other conference tradition of the Wide Awake club began. During which... Michelle shows she can play snooker, Mark is kissed by Phil, Dipso shows she can't play pool, and at around 4am the annual conference fire alarm get's everyone up in time for a dawn walk to the lake... or back to bed, which was the more popular option. Sunday, and the Deben gang celebrated Easter (for this was the day) in style. Well, with a few small chocolate eggs at breakfast anyway. These were later followed by the Sergeant at Arms handing out cream eggs on the way into the hall. And if this wasn't chocolate heaven enough, Riona (of Ireland) was also offering little chocolate bunnies to those who wanted them. The highlight of the Sunday morning was another talk by the Deben club. This one on the Rotary Mountain Challenge which Deben are representing RGBI in. (See the Rotaract Mountain Challenge site for details). It was mentioned in the talk that Suffolk is famous for two things - firstly the Rendlesham Aliens, and secondly the fact it's very very flat. As this makes training rather difficult, the challenge team would be spending the next week walking in the Lake District. Louise thanked them for their enlightening talk with a big chocolate egg. In a clear indication of her sense of humour, Louise had carefuly scheduled the next speaker... A representative from the local Mountain Rescue team. The Deben atendies paid careful attention, and made sure that they wore their 'I support Mountin Rescue' pin badges. | ||
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Sunday evening was to take the form of a fancy dress ball. The theme being 'A taste of home', with guidance to come as famous people from your district. Trouble is... 1080 (Suffolk, Norwich, Cambridge) doesn't have many. Well, obviously that's not true - Nelson, Gainsbough, Douglas Adams will all attest to this, or would do if they weren't dead (or 'post Rotary' as we shall discreetly refer to the condition). The trouble is, with the exception of the cast of Lovejoy, there are few options for a co-ordinated group of five. Fear not, Deben had found an answer... the only problem being they would need a way to 'educate' the conference attendees, as their choice is only famous in certain circles (eg. crop circles).
So, with much slapping of foreheads, the assembled crowd of RGBI were delighted to witness the much heralded Rendlesham Aliens enter the main hall. Granted, the aliens had decided to dress in ball gowns and tuxedos for the evening, but with silver faces, boingy antenna and glittered up hair there was no doubt as to their identity. And if there was, they'd brought business cards to inform all they were from the Rotaract club of Alpha Centuri. During the dinner, the Deben table, joined by Dipso and Terry, put a couple of entries into the 'origami penis' competition. (It's possible there are still some Rotaractors in the country who think that RGBI conference is a serious affair for serious people. But one can only assume they aren't reading this). Being on completely the same wavelength, the table put a double entry into the contest, both being noted in the awards (but neither quite standing up to the competition). First a whale (not cod) shaped piece, with the word 'free' written on it. And a much simpler tube-like affair, with a couple of batteries inside. The table was however fined for some of it's other suggestions. Having been inspired by the 'hearing dogs for the deaf' talk earlier in the day, they proposed new charities dedicated to 'sober dogs for the drunk', 'dancing dogs for the choreographically challenged', and 'driving dogs for women'. The after dinner entertainment was, to say the least, cheap. All the districts were asked to put on a short display of their talent, or as was the case for most, just to ham something together. The district 1140 crowd had made a balls up and come as Wimbledon (and not a womble in sight). They served up a treat as they thwacked tennis balls around - over some plastic netting that Michelle found familiar - and into the chandeliers. | ||
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One dismembered Rotarian removal later, the other acts continued. As the Irish contingent moved on from their pub crawl (which a certain Deben Rotaractor volenteered for, not realised it would involve drinking Guiness... Mark REALLY hates Guiness) and on to teaching the assembled masses how to dance, the evening gradually progressed into a disco and games night. The music was interspersed with various activities. One of these involved a simulation of a Lancaster bomber. (By now the bar had been open for some time). With pilot, co-pilot, passengers (on a Lancaster bomber?), gunners and four engines (spin those arms, spin them!). With John taking the role of a passenger, he became adapt at throwing himself left and right like an extra from Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Once the engines had been shot off and the flames extinguished, the cast decided that any landing you could walk away from was a good one, and the music began again.
Another noteworthy game that evening was the limbo dancing. Now, Mark and Dipso have been described in the past as 'the flexible friends'. To describe them as bendy would be akin to describing Banbury Camping as 'a little bit of fun'. After wondering if it would perhaps be polite to wait a few rounds before joining in, they bent over backwards trying to out limbo each other. John (5ft 18") had the fortunate task of holding one end of the bar. However, it soon became apparent that there was going to be flexibility in the rules that constituted what limbo dancing was. This was needed as by now the pole was less than a meter from the ground, and contestants were pushing themselves along the ground on their back. Dipso and Mark decided to try Tandem Limbo Dancing, with the former on her back, and the latter on top. The bar was lowered further. On the final round, as Dipso squeezed her legs underneath first, Terry offered help in the form of pulling her legs. This would have been a great plan, if not for the shudder that went up Johns arms, and the resulting blood from the prone Rotarians mouth. Monday morning came. The RGBI awards for the year were given out. These included Deben coming first in the 'club attendance award' - derived at by a complex formula, and 1080 receiving the trophy of 'district attendance award' - derived at by an even more complex formula. While neither of these had been expected, the shocker of the morning came as Deben was awarded 2nd place in the 'Club of the Year' contest. But that was not to be the greatest shock of all...
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Entertained, enlightened, and exhausted, the Debenites made their goodbyes to their Rotaract friends and left the hotel. "So", they asked each other. "Anyone for a walk?".
If following this tale of adventure and excitement has excited and adventured you, then look no further for a further look at the adventures and excitement that was to follow. Read about the Training Trip in the Lakes here! (Coming soon...) (aka 'The Completely Correct" bit)
"I'm sorry Mark, are you saying you should have won the last conferences seamen tasting contest?" - Alan to Mark "That was... enlightening" - Louise
- "The end fell off" - Phil "My gongs getting in the way" - Dipso "It's amazing how you make facial expressions without using your face" - Dipso to Mark "You should take off your shirt more often" - Michelle to Mark "That was... enlightening" - Louise "Hand cuffs don't leave those kinds of marks" - Michelle |
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For shorter descriptions about some of our past events, click here
For full writeups of some of our other trips, enjoy;
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