It's a midday, it's a Friday in November, and five courageous adventurers are all set to brave new frontiers, to risk all, and to gallantly step forth to an RGBI Rotaract event. Unfortunately, three of them couldn't get the afternoon off, so the other two hop in a car and get a head start on the trip to Bournemouth. This was to be a long drive, made oh so much shorter by the singing lessons Claire gave to Mark en route. Essentially the key point being that it isn't important to actually know the words, just make noises at the right time. Many hours later and Ipswich expelled its second car load of Rotaractors. This one contained John, Michelle and Alan. By one of those strange co-incidences, their transport was also alive with the sound of music as John and Michelle spent much of the journey working their way through a rapture of cheerful lyrics. The chicken song, the Neighbours theme, the birdy song... John and Michelle had a long journey. Alan had a longer one.

Bournemouth may be known for many things. But none by the good people of Deben. If you, dear reader, are thinking "it's all well and good making fun of Bournemouth, but where the hell is Deben?", then you'd be thinking like many people in Suffolk. The name of the Ipswich based Rotaract club is, for reasons of history, known as Deben Rotaract. Let's leave the matter there. Claire and Mark arrive in Bournemouth, and start following the directions for the hotel they printed off the internet. After turning off the roundabout, taking the two left turns, followed by the right, they find that there, right in front of them, looking like the grand building they'd heard about, was a complete absence of hotel. They pull in at a petrol station, and rather sheepishly say they're lost. "Could you show us where we are on this map please", they ask indicating, rather hopefully, the big X in the middle where the hotel should be. "um... you're not on this map". A few extra roads drawn on later, and they set off again. Meanwhile, John and Michelle have started dueting Barbie Girl. Finally arriving at the hotel, Mark and Claire check in. It's worth noting that the hotel has been booked exclusively for Rotaract. This is one of the bonuses of the RGBI BossLady, Lisa, having a father in the hotel business. Recognising Richard (Lisas dad) in the hotel office, Mark says Hi. Not recognising Hazel (Lisas sister) at the reception desk, Claire asks if she is in fact Lisa, with whom she has been emailing. Hazel calmly explains "NOOOO!!!" and states "she's my other half". Claire takes this on board, and jumps to a not unreasonable, albeit wrong, conclusion. This now makes two RGBI presidents in a row that people have (incorrectly) thought to be gay. Speculation as to whether this is actually a job requirement is sure to continue. Discovering that the only other scheduled guests that night were not due to arrive for several hours (and currently trying to remember the words to Wannabe) Hazel hands over all the room keys and promptly closes the reception.

After a brief inspection of the residence ("yep, it's a hotel alright"), a local Italian restaurant gains two patrons. During their meal, the daring duo of Deben dinners discuss decisions for the weekends entertainment. Claire mentions a sign she'd seen for a car museum called 'Beaulieu'. Mark recalls that they have a selection of Bond cars as well as the Batmobile. The waiter joins the chat to highlight that Beaulieu also boasts a stately home, with fine rooms and paintings, as well as some of the grandest gardens on the South coast. Claire considers this information about the local architecture, horticulture and, er, culture, and responds with a chirpy "Batmobile! Batmobile! Batmobile!". Leaving her to her musing, the waiter chooses to bale out of the conversation. Arriving back at the hotel they meet the others as they arrive. John seems tired from the driving, Michelles voice seems tired, and Alan is just tired.

The next day, following breakfast, the gang of five bump into Lisa in the hotel lobby. Mark introduces Claire, explaining that they've been emailing each other about the Mountain Challenge project. Michelle asks if they are going to show each other their breasts now. There is a short, bemused, silence. This is followed by Lisa and Claire working their way through looks of confusion, suspicion, and panic ("Who told Her?!"). Blank looks flick between the guys. "Oh come on, you know what I mean", Michelle says to Mark who genuinely comments that he hasn't got a clue. "Oh well...", says Lisa, who starts to backs away slowly, and then makes up some ridiculous excuse about a district conference taking place, turns and legs it. Later, Michelle was to explain the reason for her bewildering comment. But it's really not worth going into. The group head west to Beaulieu, with Claire enthusing about the Batmobile most of the way. Michelle, enthuses about the rumours she'd heard that the monastery there produced a good line in local wine. On arrival Alan, who has been before, guides them onto the monorail for a zoom around the site. There is much shuffling of seats, to ensure that Claire is away from the big drops at either side, that the carriage is properly balanced, and that everyone has had a go in the wet patch.

A quick wander through the James Bond experience was followed by an exploration of the main car showrooms. With vehicles of all kinds, our heroes spent quite some time looking around. They admired the weird, the wonderful, the famous, the old and the flamboyant. It was like a Rotary charter night, but with cars. Taking the 1912 open topped bus to the other side of the estate, the Ipswich interlopers take a gentle wander around the local monastery. This is a first for Deben Rotaract, and it's not expected to become a habit. Taking a break in the still active church, the girls take a seat in the pews, to learn what the band there will sound like when they rehearse. The band in question was actually a 25 piece orchestra, and when they did start up, our friends were somewhat impressed. They were really, really good. Michelle stayed to enjoy the classical music, after all, by this time she has discovered the monetary has not produced wine since the 17th century.

Taking a walk back towards the estate exit, our friends decide to pop in for a moment to the playstation dome. Finding a selection of PS2s, running various racing games, Alan and John sit themselves down for a quick play. Mark amuses himself with an eye-toy, and the ladies present watch Michelle and Claire give the singstar kiosks a go. These are basically Karaoke type games, which award points based on how close you are to the tone of the original singer. Soon all five are wailing their best notes to a variety of Sonny&Cher, Busted and Tom Jones. A little over an hour and a half later, following a Robbie Williams Sing-off between John and Alan, they leave. (Alan won).

On the return to Bournemouth, Claire suddenly realises she hasn't seen the Batmobile. The boys are quick to say how cool it was. They had been able to even sit in it, and play with the buttons. It was only when Alan mentioned that Adam West had personally shown them round it, that she began to suspect a bit of fibbing was going on. (The nearest Batmobile is actually in Cumbria - Ed) The girls prepare themselves for the evening. The guys watch a couple of programmes on the telly. The ladies finish preparing themselves for the evening. The guys get ready. What followed that evening was a "Back to Front" party. In short, a dinner and dance. But with everything a bit messed up. Wearing his tuxedo on back to front Mark walks backwards into the bar. Fortunately, a few others have also gone with this idea, otherwise he'd have looked silly. With our heroes sitting down to enjoy some drinks, Lisa comes by to say hello. Deciding that silence is probably the best approach, Michelle, who is almost never backwards in being forwards, sits back and enjoys her wine. This was remarkably restrained, seeing as the President of Rotaract Great Britain and Ireland had turned up to the evening in her pyjamas (a nice lilac number with Eeyore designs, and fluffy star slippers, in case any Rotarians are interested).

Moving through into the banquette hall, the Deben dinners take their places. About 45 people were present. Mostly Rotaractors, but also a dozen Rotarians and guests. Stuart Yeo, chairman for the local district, thanked us all for coming, and wished us a pleasant trip home. Then the coffee arrived, followed by the biscuits and cheese. Desert turned out to be a rather nice profiterole number.

Still waiting for the main course, Mark notices something odd about the bottle of wine on the table and asks Claire to pour some. She lifts the bottle and discovers it to be somewhat light. A moments confusion, followed by understanding. Turning the bottle over she declares it's empty state. Unfortunately, this is only almost true, as a few drops spill out onto the table cloth. Alarmed, a guest at the table picks up the salt shaker and helpfully tips its contents onto the leaked liquid. Much to her confusion, she managed to smother the stain with pepper. With everyone clearly getting used to the warped thinking behind the evening, a handful of salt is smartly dumped on top of the pepper before anyone can point out that it was white wine anyway.

Elsewhere, the two representatives from Ireland - Reanne and Jessica - who, getting the hang of their first RGBI event remarkably quickly, decide the perfect adornment for the evening would be some of the little shinny stars scattered like confetti over the tables. After attaching them to their cheeks, Emma (famed of Banbury camping), rallys the rest of the table to do the same, and being delightfuly persistent, achieves this goal. With the main course, starters and table decorations out the way, John Symons, president of the Bournemouth club, welcomed those present to the hotel and said he hoped to get round and speak to everyone during the dinner. As this was the first many people had seen of him, it was clear that his hopes would-had-will-of-did remain unfulfilled. But as everyone departed the hall, the night was only just beginning. Lisa changed into her evening dress (everyone keeping up? Good.) and the party moved downstairs to the bar and dancefloor.

Phil Poole, respected Rotarian and keen supporter of Rotaract, was busy on the dance floor supporting his wife, currently leaning backwards tango style. In a dazzling display, the poor lady was hurled about the room, with little more than Phils guiding arms, gravity and blind luck keeping the other dancers safe. The poor man could hurt his shoulder like that. The Irish lasses were also putting their hearts and souls into it, dancing enthusiastically with each other like they were running for the RGBI presidency. Eventually, John dragged Claire onto the floor, and Caroline Arch (district 1140) dragged Mark up. It was clearly to all that none of them knew how to dance. The evening ended around 2pm (long after most of the Debenites had gone to bed), with the DJ calling the 10 remaining blokes up for a Dance Off. Mark, the remaining Ipsiwchian, sits firmly in his seat. Caroline and Sarah Bacon (also 1140) push him upwards. The contest will be performance air-guitar. Mark makes for the chairs again, reasoning that he doesn't even know how to play normal guitar. He is kicked back up. A dazzling performance later, Mark quietly decides not to mention this little episode to his fellow club members. (But they'll find out now - Ed).

The next day is a comparatively relaxed affair. John goes for a quiet wander around Bournemouth. Michelle and Alan go for an amazingly enthusiastic wander around Bournemouth (presumably getting into training for the Mountain Challenge). Unfortunately for John, all three do it together, so he is left somewhat the worse for it. Claire and Mark stay in the hotel to attend the RGBI council meeting. These are usually relatively short affairs (the Deben crowd were delighted once, after a 45 minute meeting left them plenty of time to explore Dublin). This one was not. Indeed, there are rumours it is still going on to this very day, the remaining delegates only being allowed out, with escort, for short comfort breaks. While full minutes are available elsewhere (live updates continue as the meeting goes on) two items are worth a brief mention. When Lisa mentioned a future presentation to RIBI in Belfast, she was asked for more details. "It's a striptease" she replied. It seems, this was not a joke. (Rotarians may book their place at the event here.) Also, Mark was presented with a prize that he had 'forgotten' the night before, having won the dancing competition (his winning, in the most part due to Sarah voting for him louder than anyone else dared compete with). The weekends actives came to a close and the various return trips to Ipswich began. Little more remains to be said, which was remarkably close to Alan's own desire, as his car-mates launch into an enthusiastic YMCA. With actions. Quotes (aka 'The Completely Correct" bit) "You'll give me £5 worth of 2ps. that'll be... 1000 2ps" - Mark B "No, it'll be 250 2ps" - John B "Oh yeah, maths works that way" - Mark B "Is this where you show each other your breasts?" - Michelle J "Bournemouth Rotaract catch crabs" - Lisa B "Sounds painful" - Phil P "This is the Christmas room, it's open for three days a year" - John B "Twelve days" - Alan B & Mark B "Batmobile! Batmobile! Batmobile!" - Claire T "A whole new species of jam" - Alan B "Mark has lovely breasts" - John B "I haven't killed anyone in the car yet, I think I'm participating really well" - Alan B "If you had gone 'Mooooo' I 'd have known perfectly well what you meant" - Mark B "You were normal?" - Phil P to Gillian W "And it's real safe as long as you sign a disclaimer form" - Adam H "Tenerb Nuh-age Aas-eel... zee emane ium, gnieveve dooog." - Lisa B Enjoyed the Deben Trip to Bournemouth? For full writeups of some of our other cool events, enjoy; The RGBI Conference 2007 - A weekend in Watford, with Christmas Down Under and Miss Rotaract UK. Back To Front 2006 - Not an event to get cross when dressing up. Holiday in Amsterdam - Forign travel, to a city of culture. And a cool Red Light district. Banbury Camping 2006 - Christmas comes early! The Mountain Challenge weekend - The main event. 24 hours of up and down the hills. The Mountain Challenge training week in the Lake District. Getting fit for the Mountain Challenge. The RGBI Conference 2006 in the Lake District. Treasure hunt pubcrawls, presentations by Deben and the Aliens of Rendlesham Forest. The Superhero Charity Pubcrawl raised money for our Mountain Challenge Sightsavers project. The Back to Front party took Deben to Bournemouth. With lots of other Rotaractors we did stuff backwards. Banbury Camping 2005 brought 200 Rotaractors and friends together for a weekend of fun and campness. The RGBI Conference 2005 was in Bristol, and Rotaractors from all over the UK met up for the annual conference. A serious weekend, with spacehopper races. Messing Around in Boats - Debens trip on the Norfolk Broads. Or check out the full photo gallery from Bournemouth. Also, the RGBI site for lots more exciting UK wide events.

We'd love to hear from you if you are interested in coming to an event, or if you are a local charity or community project and would like our assistance. We'd also like to hear from you if you have any feedback on the web site. Deben Rotaract contacts: Email: enquiries@debenrotaract.org.uk Call Dan on 07740165109 or Tash on 01473721153

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